It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think my fart just growled at me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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