went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize