Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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