can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize