So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
