turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
