You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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