The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
