I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
