I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize