Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
