He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
