i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
