Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
