I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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