Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
