Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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