o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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