Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
