I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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