we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
