wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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