is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
