which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
