I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
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I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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