checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
