this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
