I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
