I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
