At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
