i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
