apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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