sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
