dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
