Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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