my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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