youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
