dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
