is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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