How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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