ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
