You smell like a Billy Joel song
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize