My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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