The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
