Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
