Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
