just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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