you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
