I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
