Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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