I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
