its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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