He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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