weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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