Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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