did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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