you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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