There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
