Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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