Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
