She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
