Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
