How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
