you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
