So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i need some magic done to my vagina
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
