She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
